—©1994 by John Trivisonno
•A somewhat surreal account of my days as a retail ad copywriter.
I have to go back a few years now... four and a half actually... to what may seem like a crude beginning... but this is really the way it went.
“What the fuck happened here? I changed this price to $14.97! Find out what the fuck happened! If someone pisses in my cereal, I’m gonna piss up his ass!”
What was that Jerry?
“I wanna know what the fuck happened! I’m not gonna blow this ad! When I ask for something changed, I want it done! Find out what the fuck happened! ...someone pisses in my cereal, I’m gonna piss up his fuckin’ ass!”
That was Jerry Shadowitz ranting in the advertising department.
Some things you may already know about: I had just started working as a copywriter at the head office of Shado Department Stores Inc. and I was already accustomed to Jerry’s outbursts... but what was that about cereal? Was he trying to come up with a catchy new saying for all the uneducated slobs in important positions?
You may also know that Jerry, Alvin and Murray Shadowitz are three brothers who run a chain of discount department stores founded by their father 50 years ago. Shado Department Stores Inc. caters to the welfare market, selling junk. For awhile there, it looked like the Shadowitz brothers really knew what they were doing but the truth eventually came out and people realized that they were just lucky.
I, of course, worked for a shit salary writing their ads.